love_me_bryce's Journal
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Monday, July 3, 2006
Tomorrow is going to be the start of what Im going to consider my crazy life from now on...
Since my latest experience with Paul, Ive decided I can pretty much do whatever I want, as long as my parents dont find out...
So... with that said, Sean is coming over on the 5th... hes leaving on the 4th, but it takes him 15 hours to drive here... and hes staying a week... so I have no clue whats going to happen... Paul doesnt want me staying with him but Id feel bad if I drove that far and didnt have someone to stay with...
Ughh... im kinda dreading/anticipating drinking... ive always been against it, and i know its bad, but then again i was always against pre-marital sex... so who knows... and Sean already said that if I decide to drink, hes not letting me out of the hotel room so I better plan on staying the night... the only bad thing is Paul said if i didnt call him every night he was calling my parents to tell them I wasnt okay...
I can already tell this week is going to be quite the exciting experience...
Plus my blood sugar has been running crazy and my dad thinks im getting sick again...
Ughhhhhh i need sleep
Current mood:  sleepy Current music: "In Terms Of Love" SheDaisy
Saturday, July 1, 2006
ughhh.... if only id known that my first time wouldve sucked, i wouldnt have even kissed him the first time...
plus we ended up getting into a HUGE fight afterward... i cried and hid in the bathroom.. all i wanted to do was go to a movie.. but he said he didnt want to.. he wanted to go back to the motel... so that gave me the message that he just wanted me for sex... well, what was i to think? hed never seemed to mind going with me before.. now all of a sudden he just wants to sit in the motel room... so i just didnt talk to him, when he got back, i ran into the room and into the bathroom, where i laid on the floor and cried.. he mustve heard me cause he asked me to come out... so i did and i laid on the bed and wouldnt let him touch me.. he laid on the floor and started crying, saying he was sorry and didnt mean anything by it... I finally felt bad for him and told him i was sorry for being so cranky... so we stayed in the motel room and watched tv... we finally went to the park and sat in the gazebo... it was pretty fun...
the only thing i regret is the sex... it wasnt special, it wasnt romantic, i didnt feel beautiful afterward...
ughhh i feel sick is how i feel..
Current mood:  sick Current music: Watching "The Incredibles"
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Well the beginning of this week went pretty well... Dad actually left me alone for the most part and I stayed in my room, online... but by Thursday he was in a bad mood and yelled at me, like always... according to him, I'll never get married if I have to cook and clean for a guy.. thanks alot dad...
I stayed all night with mamaw last night... I thought maybe it would give me time to spend with her and update my pics with Andrew's webcam.. but Andrew broke the computer a couple weeks ago, which he didnt tell anyone, so it wont even turn on... so i spent my time reading a book, watching tv, and begrudgingly talking to paul... so even though I was at mamaws, i still didnt escape his nightly talks...
we actually got into it pretty bad on the phone... i dont really wanna say what its about but I might as well since its on my mind... bryce, ur not gonna like this.... well, when he was here last time, we did certain stuff.. and it got really close to going all the way.. and i was scared he'd get carried away and.. well u know... and id end up pregnant... so last night I just told him that if I get pregnant before I get married, if im dating him, im going to break up with him and not associate with him anymore... he took this as I was saving him from my dad, or that I was trying to punish him or something.. which was as far from the truth as he couldve gotten.. i told him he obviously didnt know me as well as he thought he did if hed think that... the whole reason Id do that is because Id want to save him from having to put his life on hold just for me.. his parents would hate me, which means hed have to choose, hed have to give up on his hopes of pharmacy school... i couldnt let him change his whole life because i wasnt more careful...
I hinted around what my reason was to him and he mentioned abortion (hell no) and just getting married anyways.. but i told him no... he got upset and hurt and crap, which i didnt care... my minds made up and im not gonna budge on this...
anyways.... I had to go to a funeral this morning.. a woman in my parents church had her grandmother to pass away and me and mamaw went to it... it was really bad.. it was one of those really grief-stricken funerals.. i left during the middle of it...
I came back home and mamaw and me planted marigolds around my house and my neighbors, which is my great-aunt Lula's house... shes disabled from a stroke and her husband Ralph takes care of her... so we did that for them... then by the time i came home, i had to wash the dishes by hand since the sink is leaking.. then i made dinner, took a shower, and washed more dishes...
so im officially tired and exhausted... Im just dreading Paul calling and bothering me again... that gets old...
u know what really pissed me off today.. he sent me a copy of his and one of his friends conversations about what she knew about pregnancy and periods and crap... i wish hed get the clue that if i wanted help, id ask... instead, hes always doing stuff i need to do.. ive told him before to lay off but he doesnt...
hes coming back here next week... tuesday and wednesday.. unfortunately... matt and his gf Vicki suppose to be coming too... i wish i could have at least one day of peace...
i miss you bryce
Current mood: sleepy
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Ive been crying.. and even tho im a lil better, i still feel twice as bad...
I look in the mirror and personally i dont understand why anyone wants to even talk to me.. my dad works me like a guy, im not interesting at all, and im so pathetic i cant find a bf...
im always going to be alone and theres nothing anyone can do about it... least of all me
Current mood: depressed
I just realized today that I have to be the most desperate girl ever... all I do is try to get attention and make guys feel bad for me.. im fucking bitchy
I was talking to my ex yesterday and he wanted me to call him so i did... and he was trying to teach me how to play guitar.. well i gave up and so did he and he told me hed call me back.. the fucking stupid part was he didnt call me back.. gave me some dumbass excuse about how he was gone with his dad.. yea at 1am... and that hed call me right when he woke up.. and the hiliarious part is I actually sat here and waited...
Why do I do this? why do i always look for something different than what I already have... whatever im looking for Im sure as hell not going to find it this way.. i went back to all the myspace sites of the people i left messages for so i could delete the comments but it wouldnt let me... so now im fucking stuck...
I wish i was invisible
Current mood: disappointed
Friday, June 16, 2006
well I just got back from once again working my butt off.. not literally bryce :P theres still enough for you
so here I was being squashing inbetween my dad and aunt as we took that big trailer full of crap to the county dump... that had to be the WORST smelling place ever... and if that wasnt bad enough, we had to separate everything we had into whatever was metal in one pile and everything else in this huge dumpster.. it was horrible...
then dad didnt wanna bring the trailer home with all that wood stuff in it so we had to stop at a car wash and clean it out.. ughhh then i had to cut the grass where the trailer had been... so im about to pass out..
so i took my shower and im finally resting.. of course dads gonna yell any minute about how hes hungry and hasnt ate all day and how its my job to cook and clean and do every little job around here..
and everyone wonders why Im so excited about college?
Current mood: exhausted
I have 2 weeks... 2 weeks till Im once again with Paul and in a way Im dreading it big time... at least we wont be alone this time.. Matt and his not-gf is coming here too..
Last weekend, Paul was all over me all the time.. it got old.. I had to finally just beat the crap out of him.. im not kidding.. i beat the shit out of him... I mean hes a really great friend but hes way too clingy... like i was feeling really bitchy cause my blood sugar was high and i was burning up, plus I was trying to watch Saw 2 which Id never watched.. and when Im watching movies, I really want to watch it... well he started trying to put his hands in "private" areas and I got pissed and told him off... I felt bad later but good lord..
Then he kept trying to have sex with me and i kept saying no and he kept trying.. that pissed me off even worse.. i mean there are sometimes i just wanna cuddle or just have fun not be sexual every moment and he doesnt get that for some reason.. hes got 1 time to force me and i swear to God i'll cut his dick off.. he hurt me once.. he was trying to rub my back and its really REALLY sensitive.. and i tried to get him to stop cause I couldnt stand it and he wouldnt.. he grabbed my arms and held them down.. i swear i about started crying.. and i finally yelled at him to stop and he was like "are you being serious?" and i was like "Yes!!!" so he stopped and i kinda stayed away from him for a while cause it made me scared of him..
then when we were in front of Amber, he kept putting his hands on me and it made me really uncomfortable... but i fixed that by beating him up.. he even admitted he was scared of me..
ughhh now hes already talking about coming back.. he asked me today could we have sex in the bathtub... such a romantic isnt he? *eyeroll*
why cant he just be normal?
Current mood: crappy Current music: Watching "The Incredibles"
Thursday, June 15, 2006
I havent heard from Bryce in a long time... he left me a comment on myspace with the lyrics to "Miss Me Baby" and I do miss him... hes still my bestfriend but obviously hes decided to move on...
even if I dont get with him Id still wanna be friends.. we've been through so much and I know I'd feel empty if he decided to leave me alone.. :( but I guess thats what hes doing..
I feel so alone
Current mood:  gloomy Current music: Watching "The Incredibles"
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I havent worked since Saturday but Im sure I'll be making up for it today... dads already talking about building a picnic table for mom and we havent even finished the trailer... ughh im so tired of all this work.. everyone is always wanting me to do something different everyday... mamaw just called and asked me if i wanted to pick strawberries.. of course i cant cause we're leaving to go get lumber and get some hardware for the trailer... ughh...
Things are going good for me and Paul.. Im getting more used to being on the phone with him every night.. its especially handy when I have a bad dream or cant sleep and hes there to bore me to death :P at least i sleep then...
I havent heard from Bryce in a long time.. I suspect hes in Texas... who knows?... I think AJ is mad at me cause I told him me and Paul were back together and he was disappointed.. so now hes kinda staying distant.. but thats how it goes I guess..
I cant believe its almost time for college... im so nervous and excited and scared... I think my registration is July 20something... ughh i hope my dorm mate will be nice.. I dont want anyone wild...
well i better go.. time to eat lunch
Current mood: sleepy Current music: Watching "Hoodwinked"
Friday, May 26, 2006
Dad has had me working like crazy lately.. im so exhausted... I wish I was already at college.. my arms are weak from working on that stupid trailer thing..plus everyones been wanting me to drive everywhere at every moment..
Im so tired emotionally too.. I feel like I cant depend on anyone.. Bryce goes from girl to girl every week, AJ is always at his moms and he cant call here, paul and me doesnt have time hardly at all.. i have no friends anymore and im all alone.. i really just feel like crying..
but who cares right?
Current mood: tired Current music: Watching "Walk The Line"
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I graduated a couple weeks ago... now its summer and Im confused as ever.. I dont really want to go to college cause im afraid I'll fail, but then again I do cause I want to get away from here.
Paul and I are on the rocks.. Hes as great as ever but hes getting aggravating again... he wants to come see me June 10 but I really dont want him to. I think Im just gonna let him think that he can come over then when my bday comes up i'll tell him something came up... ughh Im so confused..
He told me that him and Bryce talked and he sent me their conversation. Of course it broke my heart a little more but Ive learned to stick to the "friends only" rule. Its alot safer on my emotions that way. Bryce told Paul about some girl he asked out and is gonna take her to Texas with him... which is a surprise to me cause he never told me about any girls besides Nancy... so that sucks.. but I guess it shows we're not "Best Friends" as he claims.. Ive always told him about the guys in my life so he didnt feel betrayed and worthless, just like I feel now. But thats over now.. Im over it..
Current mood: numb Current music: "Torn" by LeToya
Friday, May 5, 2006
Me and Bryce sorted it out and we're back on friends basis... there were a few moments where it was "heated" but we got over that hurdle... now we're back to our normal selves...
Im so tired.. I got my license today which made me so nervous... but I got them so Im happy.. now im so tired cause I woke up at 7, cleaned the entire car, drove over there, went back and forth from building to building, took the test, got my license, came home, drove to the store, picked up all that crap, came home, made bread (yes i actually baked bread), washed dishes, made spaghetti, and now im here.... ughh im sleepy
well im out of things to talk about and im too sleepy to think.. my head hurts... im just glad me and bryce talked everything out :)
Current mood:  okay Current music: sounds from "Hitch"
Thursday, May 4, 2006
Ive been sick all week but finally I feel alot better. I went to the dr yesterday and he said that he thinks I have asthma. I took a breathing treatment and I have some medicine I have to take, but I feel better.
Today is going to be hell. Betty Jo (my aunt who lives beside us) has been making my dad yell all day so now hes going to be on my case. I hate when she does that. It always gets me in trouble.
I had a tough decision to make the other night. I decided to go back to Paul. So we're officially back together. I figured out that I cant keep hoping me and Bryce are going to be together when its not going to happen. He cant hurt Amanda and Amber and I cant hurt Paul. Thats the basic truth. Paul even tried to get me to go to Bryce. He told me from what hes talked to Bryce and what Ive talked about Bryce, he could pretty much explain how mine and Bryce's life would be. He said me and Bryce would get in an accident off-roading one day and Bryce would be right beside me in the hospital, holding my hand through it all. But when he got better, he sneak me a shrimp basket from Dairy Queen in. This was what made me break down crying. He said that in order to sneak it in, Bryce would buy me a huge thing of flowers and hide it down in them. Then Bryce would bring me dozens of Honeydew candles cause those are my favorite, but he'd be so wrapped up into me hed forget that it would cause the fire alarm to go off and even though it would embarrass me, Id be able to look back on it and smile cause it was so romantic. I just couldn't help myself. I started bawling. Then Paul heard me crying and asked me was I crying because Bryce would actually do that, and I said yes. And he was actually stunned. He told me if Bryce was that great and would do that for me, I should ask him back out in a heartbeat cause he knew Bryce would take me back.
But I said no. I love Bryce. I always will. But he deserves so much more than what I can give. Paul deserves more than I can give, which is why I cant plan out my future with him or anyone. He keeps wanting me to make plans and plans and plans but I cant. People say money doesnt matter but it does. Thats why Im trying to be a doctor so I can get the stuff I need and want and not be embarrassed of where I live and stuff. I havent ever had anyone stay all night at my house cause I dont have nice stuff. My mom works nonstop so we can get out of debt and my dads disabled so Im stuck here trying to just make this place liveable. I dont do a good job either. My dad just bought a dishwasher for gods sake. My mom says its her fault why Im so embarrassed of this place cause she always taught me that when I wanted to do something, i should go to my grandmas. So whenever my friends came over or my bfs, I always took them there. One of the main reasons is because I know the look of shame on peoples faces when they come here. They think my dads lazy and my moms a shame cause shes not here and they just think im pitiful. I hate it too. I saw Erics face and Johnathans face when they came in here. They looked around and made small comments about how their house isnt much better but thats not the truth.
Ah either way its all over
Current mood: sad
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Since I last talked to Bryce, which is right now, I've finally came to the realization that its over between us. We'll stay friends and he can still tell me whats going on with him and come to me with his problems, but I can't keep trying to save this little fantasy in my head about me and him. He's gone on and so should I.
All those times I told him that he was going to meet someone new and get over me, I never once believed it. Or I really didnt want to believe it. Either way, now that he actually did meet someone, I can't keep holding on to some small hope that we'll be together and everything will be perfect.
I guess I need to focus on school and stuff now. Ever since I didnt get that scholarship, Ive been let down and crap. So now I have to work twice as hard as what I thought I would.
Tonight has been horrible. I havent been to school this week since I've been sick, my blood sugar has been crazy, and now I lost Bryce. Its not like I shouldnt have been prepared. I knew this would happen eventually. I just wish it couldve waited. Ive decided to help Bryce this time by trying to not remind him of me. I mean we'll stay friends but it will strictly be on a friends basis. No flirting or stuff like that. I already deleted my comments I left him on myspace, at least that way he wont be reminded.
Gosh now I feel like crying. But Im going to make sure Bryce thinks Im happy for him and everything is perfect and Im not affected. Pauls talking in my ear but I have no clue what hes saying.
I dont know what Im going to do. I guess just be there for Bryce and get over my feelings.
Current mood: lonely Current music: "Hate Me" by Blue October
Friday, April 28, 2006
It seems like forever since ive been on here... i could barely remember my screen name for this... I guess when Bryce told me he wasnt gonna get on here anymore I just didnt care to come back so I wouldnt be depressed.. but now that he started writing again it looks like Im gonna be a regular visitor...
I got online this morning at 4:30 because I couldnt sleep and I thought Id talk to Paul to cheer me up since I was a little depressed from last night cause we had Awards Night and the scholarship I wanted from Alice Lloyd College was given to someone else even though my cousin whos the Dean of Admissions said it was a sure thing id win.. plus i also didnt get the scholarship from the Settlement school to pay for my books and crap which the man who was giving it out said he used to be friends with my dad and crap... and also Amber didnt get any award although she was promised 2 so she badmouthed everyone and was really rude to me so that didnt put me in a good mood either.. plus its that "female" time, my hormones are up and im more emotional than anything and my blood sugar is sky high so im gonna be more depressed... plus im failing English cause of that week i was in the hospital and she wouldnt let me present my powerpoint on my autobiography... and next wednesday is the newspaper deadline and since Amber didnt get her award she said she wasnt doing anything so that means I'll have to do it....
So I had all that on my mind and I was crying right before I got on here... and I get on my yahoo to see if I had any emails since when u sign on it pops up... and I got Bryces message to check this.... I figured he was confused about Amanda or something so I was kinda worried when I got on here cause he said "please" which is a rare thing... so I checked on here and I was actually very shocked about what I read...
I know Bryce loves me.. or at least he did love me... and I knew that he had feelings for me even if hes with Amanda... but I thought they'd faded or something since he always talks about her and how he was worried about her not being able to talk to him and having surgery and going and seeing her... thats why i backed off from him cause there was a time when i was gonna go back after him.. but i saw how he cares about her and i didnt wanna ruin that when hed finally settled back down... anyways I got off track.. what I was trying to say was I was depressed and all from everything going on when I read what Bryce wrote... and now Im happy... I got more from that one entry than anything hes ever wrote me in the last 6 months.. which is the time from when we first started dating to now... yes I still remember the month... I dont remember the day but Im sure if I go back in my emails I'll at least have one from when we started...
anyways... im happy.. I dont know if he should stay in Texas... I want him to so he can have a better and easier life.. its plain to see that any business thingie would be better for anyone than settling for some manual labor job... and Bryce does deserve the best.. if Id ever doubted that before that message, I dont doubt it now... I love Bryce.. I probably always will cause Im always going to wonder about what could've happened if we dont get back together.. knowing what I had when I was with Bryce and how good he treated me, theres no way in hell Amandas gonna give him up.. which is how it should be... hes worth fighting for
well time to call Stup Head and wake him up and get all depressed again telling my pity-party story.. and then listen a while to his nonsense and then fall asleep on the phone just like I do EVERY morning...
and when u read this Bryce, know I love you too
Current mood:  flirty Current music: "Hate Me" Blue October
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
well everything has been kinda crazy around here... me and Paul spent the night together this past weekend... it was fun and all but now its like whats the point in getting married.. we dont have any exciting things to look for... of course we didnt.. u know.. but its still... i dunno... plus he tried to convince me to go ahead and do it with him but i said no... i felt kinda bad cause i think he was disappointed... but i cant help it.. i dont wanna do it till im married... either way, i kinda wish i didnt stay all night so wed have something to look forward to... but now.. ughhhh hes coming back next weekend and I suppose he wants me to stay with him again... i think i'll tell him my parents dont want me going anywhere.. gosh im so confused... i love him but i just think me and him are getting way too deep... i dont wanna hurt him cause hes already thinking im gonna hurt him.. i guess im just gonna have to go with the flow and do whatever...
matt got me really mad the other day cause he told Paul that after all that pauls did for me, I owe Paul sex... and it pissed me off bad.. to the point i really wanted to cry.. here this whole time, I thought Matt was one of my good friends and come to find out he bad talked me like that and had no respect for me whatsoever.. that really disappointed me...
i miss bryce... really bad.. every night i get online to see if hes on.. hoping he is cause i miss him so bad... but he never is... :( i just hope hes happy.. he says he doing better about missing me but its not the same for me.. cause i miss him so bad... :( well i better go.. im getting sick again... i havent been to school in 2 days and my tonsils have swollen together... i hope this goes away soon..
Current mood: sad Current music: Movie: Two Weeks Notice
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
well my dad once again made my life horrible yesterday... he wanted me to make him some dinner so i asked him whether he wanted steak sandwiches or hamburger.. he says the steak sandwiches.. so i make it and they were horrible tasting... so instead of making me the other 2, i baked me a pizza.. well dad didnt like this much.. so he yells at me and told me if any of that meat ruins ever, he was throwing away all the bread and id have to make it from scratch every morning... plus he said i spend too much time in my room and he was gonna bust my computer... so i stayed out of my room and washed dishes for a second time... and i got kinda mad.. and well.. lets just say the silverware didnt like my arm.. so after that, he wanted me to drive him and betty jo to get mom from work.. so i went and that was horrible cause he started arguing about how i need to pick what i wanna be in life and blah blah blah...
so now i had to wake up this morning and at around 8 i have to drive him to Lexington, which is an all day trip, so he can get my uncles washer and dryer.. and i dont even wanna go but andrews bday is today and he has to work half the day and my other uncle wouldnt return my dads calls... so its left on me.. and for the record, i dont have any of my homework done thats due this week.. so there goes my grades...
ughh i just feel so depressed anymore.. i try not to be around Paul cause he thinks im just so perfect and shit so whenever he calls i brighten up.. i know guys dont like depressed girls and i definitely dont want him to leave me so i keep it pretty deep.. last night he called on break, and i was in the middle of crying, so i had to pretend i wasnt.. i mustve done a good job, cause he didnt mention anything so i guess everythings still okay... i know hed think i was a freak if he knew i cut myself sometimes.. knowing him, hed blame himself for not making me so happy that i didnt wanna do that... but thats not the case..
i guess i better go take a shower before i have to wake my dad up... today is gonna be hell for me..
Current mood: depressed Current music: "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts
Friday, February 17, 2006
well.. me and Paul are together.. Paul Schmidt... Im happy with him, but lately ive been feeling pretty horrible... I found out why today and I cant believe i forgot.. yesterday was the worst day ive had in the longest time.. and then today i was thinking about Amanda, my friend that died, and realized that shed died 2 months yesterday... and id completely forgotten.. that explained the death feeling i had that morning and why i was in a bad mood and i couldnt understand why... ughhhhhh i feel horrible for forgetting...
me and bryce got into it bad last night... I just kept listening to "What Hurts The Most" and everytime i do, i think of him... but I know hes way better off with Amanda.. shes got a good job.. knows where shes going to college.. doesnt have depression problems... and me.. well im totally messed up in the head and i havent even applied anywhere... ive only had one job and that was working for my mom last year... and i really dont have anything to offer bryce but pain and hurt.. so everytime i get down about not being with bryce, i think of how good shed be for him and convince myself im doing the right thing even if its killing me inside..
ughh i dont know what to do.. but i know i need to get it all together soon cause today i was washing dishes and i heard my phone ringing and thought it was paul.. but instead of answering it to see if it was Paul, i just let it ring cause i didnt feel like talking to him... and the last time i had that feeling while i was dating someone, i ended up breaking it off... so i dont know whats wrong with me... and i havent been taking my insulin.. and now i have a yeast infection which is so gross.. and it means my body is poisioning itself.. which means if i dont get that together soon, i'll end up in a coma... deep down i dont think it'll happen but im still afraid...
ughhh i need sleep.. and i have ACTs tomorrow.. which will drain all my energy cause thats 4 hours of sitting in a room with people I dont like... and then my dad yelled at me cause he wants me to go washer and dryer shopping and i dont want to..
I want to lay down and sleep... i think i will
Current mood: sleepy Current music: "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
welp... the verdict is in... tonsilitis and a severe ear infection are at the top of my list...
after 3 hours i walked away with 2 boxes of samples, 2 prescriptions, and a dr excuse.. so that sucked..
I did have the strange offline message that Bryce and Amanda broke up.. which has me curious.. so Im waiting for him to get online so I can find out what happened..
today was his dads funeral.. which is probably the most depressing thing he'll ever go through.. so if he does get on, it'll shock me... but then again when my papaw died, i got online just to occupy my mind... so maybe he will.. I dunno.. I just wish I could be with him there to help him through this.. If only to hold his hand... to hug him.. just to let him know i was there and he didnt have to hold his emotions all in.. :( i hate it that hes going through this without me.. thats why i hate distance more than anything..
Current mood: sad
Monday, January 30, 2006
well today i felt a lil better but not much... i think im gonna fall asleep any moment.. but i took some extra insulin so im more alert...
In 5 days im gonna be so excited.. but then again scared.. im so afraid Paul is gonna hate me or think im ugly and i'll end up crying.. I hope he doesnt but i cant make him feel certain ways...
ive been talking to bryce alot today.. he left me a message this morning that made me smile so that was awesome.. I think me and him are going through this awkward phase cause we kinda dont talk like we used to yet we're still kinda close.. i dont know what to do... i know he has a gf now and hes pulling toward her now, but then again I feel like we're still together and hes just having a hard time... I dont really know what to do... cause its like i want him back but then again theres Paul and Amanda.. and they dont deserve to be hurt.. plus me and Bryce still have our pact about when we're 28... so thats awesome..
i think i just need sleep
Current mood: sleepy
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